And that's why I’m a fuck-up:

When I was 3 I pooped my pants, left my Mickey Mouse underwear in the bathroom, and when the teacher came out with them and asked whose they were I immediately fessed up.

When I was 19 I shoplifted – a lot – and got caught.

I took 6.5 years to complete my Bachelors.

I’ve slept through 2 career/life changing interviews.

If I have no reason to wake up I’ll sleep until 2pm.

I have unprotected sex.

I’ve often slept with 2 people a day.

I sometimes do drugs (the really trashy kind), though I rarely pay for any.

I’ve had sex for money.

I’m living off my ex-boyfriend.

If I have $10 to my name I’d buy booze instead of food.

I’ve slept with 5 people within 24 hours.

I have 800 friends on facebook and can recall maybe half of who they are.

I watch the Jersey Shore.

I just applied to Starbucks.